PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
