hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that's an acceptable place to lick
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
