We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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