Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
