Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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