2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
