i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
