He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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