so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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