So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
