Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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