Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
