how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
