WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
