at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
