the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
