just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize