she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
