Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
