remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
