I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize