im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
