I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
