By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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