Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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