Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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