Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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