Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
