I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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