dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
