sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
