I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
