I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
