This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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