I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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