yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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