Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
