After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
