Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you made out with another girl for some wings
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
