So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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