I think I died a long time ago.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
