part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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