Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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