The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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