It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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