As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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