I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
