I just saw a hot homeless man
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
