You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
