I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
