He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
