my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
