why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
