found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
