guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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