I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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