Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
