What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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