this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
