he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
