Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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