Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
