i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
