You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
