I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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